engaged (not of the marital kind)

so lately i feel like i’ve been sort of floating. there’s a lot of little things going on, and i’ve had a lot of distractions–mostly generated by me (yes, i distract myself). today it sort of all came to a head when i realized why i’ve felt in a funk–i am into a bunch of little things halfway, and not fully engaged in any of them.

beginning with work–i find myself with my mind wandering, contemplating all things i want to make, new things to add to my etsy shop, etc. i need to commit myself to what i am doing, and do it to the best of my abilities. while i’d love to create full time, it’s just not realistic right now. work and art are suffering right now, but there’s only one of those i can actually do something about, and that’s work. unfortunately, not my top choice. while i’d love to be planning my next project and investing myself 100%, i just don’t have the time nor the resources at this season in life, and that’s just reality.

i have all sorts of little things that need to be completed that are less pleasant (paperwork, etc.) that i keep putting off for more “fun” things, but now the months of that nagging feeling have caught up and the nagging has turned into a much louder internal shout. there are about 50 other things that have been eating at me, and i really feel i need to do something about them, and soon. running is the only thing that i really fell i’m giving 100% of myself to at the moment, and that needs to change.

this is where the title of my post comes in–engaged. i need to be engaged, to feel engaged. in my relationships, in my friendships, my occupation, my hobbies, my art, my day-to-day mundane stuff that needs to get done…i know this is a busier time (luckily for me it’s busy with fun things), but i need to remember to seek solitude, be productive and manage my time in order to avoid the stress freakouts (i am very prone to those, unfortunately). here’s to hoping i can get my act together…

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