I wore her old gym shorts to work out in today. Back in the locker room, gathering my clothes with my headphones on a friendly girl exclaims “Oh! Did you go to the naval academy? My brother went there!” I explained no, it wasn’t me, but my friend went there, and these are my friend’s shorts.

Our exchange was over and I’m sure she thought nothing more of it but as I walked out, I couldn’t help but feel a little strange. There was no reason for our conversation to continue, but it did in my head. “Why do you have you friend’s shorts? What’s she up to now?”

I guess the point of this is that every now and then there are reminders, and it still hurts.

On a more serious note, this has been one of those years where I have gone “man, we are really adults now, aren’t we?” People are having babies, getting laid off, having money troubles, health troubles…all in all, just having “adult” problems. This past month has especially broken my heart. Two friends have recently come to me and confided in me regarding some past and present personal struggles. Their difficulties are different but equally as serious, and I am just left completely heartbroken.

First off, I was thrown off…when did we enter the phase of having these issues? I mean, I know that people battle with these things from a very early age so I don’t want to sound naive…it’s more like, how did we get to this point? Secondly, and most importantly, I feel a sense of neglect–I know I probably couldn’t have changed it, but perhaps I could have been a little more supportive. These are both people I’ve practically known all my life, but sort of had a period where I lost contact with them.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this…I just have a very heavy heart. Thankfully both have gotten/are getting help and I can’t be more thrilled for them. I’m also flattered that they have confided in me and let me know what’s going on. I love both of these ladies to pieces and if I could do anything to take away their pain, I would. At this point, however, the best I can do is support them and stand up for them and let them know they are loved unconditionally.

Alright, I’ll end it there. I just had to say something…these issues are waving heavily in my heart, but not in an “I feel burdened” sort of way, more of a “I hope there’s a way I can be helpful and supportive” way. To all my friends out there, I love you to pieces and please know you can always confide in me.

Friends are getting married, friends and family are moving, friends are having babies, life is changing–all for the better, I truly believe, but change nonetheless.  And change is tiring, exhausting even at times. Times of change like this in lives all around me remind me of the changes I wish to make in my own life.

This blog has been a very positive outlet for me to post my comings and goings and share my everyday life with the world, but sometimes I take pause and realize how superficial it can be–superficial in the kind sense of the word.  I don’t mean shallow, just very “surface.”  It’s typically not as much about what is going on inside, but more a log of what I’m doing.  Today I’m taking a moment to pause and just put it out there.  I had a conversation with a friend last week and we had a good conversation about life/work/jobs, etc.  She shared how she’s sort of in the camp of “put it out there, and it will come back to you.”  Good, bad, if you put it out there, it will come back.  Throw your desires to the world, and hopefully good will come of it–after all, how can anyone offer help if they don’t know you are seeking it?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about life/career/what I would be doing in an ideal world.  I have to say, I like my job, I’m happy at my job, but I miss art.  I miss doing, I miss making…while I enjoy the little bit I do for Etsy, I can’t dedicate enough time and resources to truly make it what I would like it to be and what I am capable of.  I guess this is my way of saying something outloud to make it more real:  I want to get serious about my creative outlets.  Take some printing classes (I’ve always had an interest, but I’ve been particularly inspired by my friend Kelly‘s beautiful artwork), and more importantly take some photography classes.  I have some amazing opportunities offered to me, and I am anxious to snatch them up and give them my all.  I have thoroughly enjoyed learning more (although the knowledge I have yet to gain is pretty daunting) about cameras and photography, and I am anxious to improve upon my craft.  I don’t know if anything will come of it, but that’s not the point to me–I just want to get better at doing something that it turns out I absolutely love doing.

On this Bastille Day, which always makes me a little nostaglic, I am throwing the word out there–bring on the creative endeavors!  Here’s to learning and exploring creative outlets.

For anyone still reading, thank you…as always, I appreciate each and every person who stops in on the blog.

Happy birthday, Brandon!

Also, I can’t let the day go by without mentioning today’s significance in it’s own right. Today is the 5th anniversary of my friend Stacy passing. It’s hard to believe five years have gone by. She is still loved, missed, and lives strong in our memories…

TV: This one was more difficult than I thought it would be, but I think I narrowed it down to a good few.
1. Sex and the City: yes, probably along with many girls around my age, but there is something to be said about that. The ups and downs of love, the strong bond of friendship, the trials and tribulations of life all on an amazing NYC backdrop. What more could you ask for? Although the show is very “Hollywood-ized” in many ways, it speaks to my very girly heart.

2. The Wire: pretty much the exact opposite of the previous choice. Brandon and I recently watched all five seasons, and while this didn’t speak to my soul in a tear-jerking way, it is a brilliantly written show that made me think. I wanted to discuss it, talk about the larger real-life issues it brought up. I couldn’t wait for my good friends and parents to watch so we could debrief. This show challenged my perceptions, opened my eyes, and really made me think about my involvement (or lack thereof) in the greater community.

3. So You Think You Can Dance: it helps that dance in general really gets to me–probably more quickly than all other art forms. Dance has the ability to immediately sweep me away, give me goosebumps, and really just pluck at my soul. While it’s definitely not every episode, there have been a few routines that really got to me. I can watch them over and over, reduced to tears every time. Cheesy as it may sound, with these few routines I feel like I witnessed something much bigger than just a performance on a reality dance show.

Music: While I could name bands and songs/lyrics till the cows come home, I’ll try and keep it to 3, relating to different phases of my life.
1. Dave Matthews Band: in high school and into college, I would put on Dave and regardless of my mood I could find a song that spoke to me at that very moment. Whether I was happy, sad, lonely, full of love, Dave was always there, able to sing exactly what I felt.

2. Coldplay: Coldplay swept me through many college days, particularly riding the metro in Paris. Their album “A Rush of Blood to the Head” has sort of a movie soundtrack-like quality to it. I always sort of felt like I was detached from the world when I would throw on my headphones and wander around Paris with Coldplay being piped into my ears. It was the perfect melancholy for my mood on those beautiful and slightly sad grey European days. Listen to the song “Amsterdam” if you’ve ever been to the city–somehow you can feel Amsterdam, even though they never once refer to the city or anything about it (the song was named because they wrote the song there, not because it’s about Amsterdam).

3. Bright Eyes: Ooh Conor Oberst, how you speak to my sad-loving side. For some reason with music I tend to really love the gut-wrenching, self-loathing, heart-broken songs. My friend Sara even suggested a t-shirt she found that says “Sad Songs Make Me Happy” because of this strange characteristic. His early albums totally portray the dark, broken boy that a girl like me would want to fix. My favorite album has to be “I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning” with every song pretty much getting me in some way or another. Brandon and I even had one of his songs sung at our wedding (First Day of My Life).  Just look up the lyrics (or listen to) a few songs like Lua and Land-Locked Blues and you’ll perhaps see what I mean.

Thanks to Kelly for this idea!  Who wants to go next?

The previous post would have gotten WAY too long had I included my pictures of Claire, so I decided to dedicate one to her alone.

Claire is growing up so quickly and becoming quite the little talker. Mixed in with a lot of general “babytalk” (i.e. noises and sounds that aren’t yet words), Claire has mastered quite a few words and animal noises. Thanks to a few of her books, she knows what sounds ducks, dogs, cats, elephants, lions, monkeys, and chickens make, along with a few others. It’s quite adorable to hear her answer when you ask her what a kitty says (“meooooow”).

She also enjoys saying “hiiiiiiiiii” to everyone, as well as “snow? snow!” when she looked outside, as well as when she saw someone gearing up to go outside. She’d also say “side?” when she wanted to go out. She’s long mastered “up!” but will occasionally even add a “peease (please)”. While the process of gearing up wasn’t fun, the moment she got in the snow all her cares were forgotten. She also had a permagrin while on the sled–she would have been happy getting pulled around all day.

Claire loves singing, and getting others to sing. Sometimes she’ll start a song, prompting you to join in with her. She also liked to come over and play with my phone, pushing buttons and looking at pictures. She’d walk over and meow, indicating she wanted to see pictures of Ben and Stuart. How cute is that?

It has been such a joy to see this little girl grow and change, and I’m looking forward to meeting Jen’s next baby and seeing him/her grow and change and interact with Claire. How could I not be a proud aunt of this little face?

Today is the one week-iversary of my birthday.  Better put, my birthday was a week ago.  We didn’t do anything too fancy the day of, just our typical Thursday night pizza and champagne with the addition of some celebratory cupcakes. It was the perfect quiet evening on a midweek birthday.

On the weekend, my parents came in with my sister and grandma to celebrate the birthdays–my mom and I share a birthday, so we always try and do something special.  Facials, drinks and delicious food made for the perfect day.

To recap:
I started my Etsy. Celebrated my 27th birthday. Inaugurated the first African-American president as a country. Went to Tahoe in the winter. Started training for and eventually completed two half-marathons and one 5k. Celebrated multiple births, engagements, showers, bachelorettes, weddings, and pregnancies. Went to baseball games. Got some nice toasty heatwaves. Celebrated birthdays. Attended concerts/shows. Celebrated my 5 year dating-anniversary and 2 year wedding anniversary. Went to Tahoe in the summer. Said goodbye to friends who moved away. Went to Washington, D.C. for the first time. Knitted a lot. Learned to screen print. Went to Monterey. Got my dad up and running on Etsy. Celebrated wonderful holidays with the family.

I have to say, I’m quite proud of how much of my New Year’s Resolution I accomplished. I got out more. I worked harder. I exercised. Sadly I made no progress in the architectural exam aspect, but I got a lot accomplished otherwise. I’m still formulating the goals for next year, but it will be in the same vein as last year–be less lazy, get out there and accomplish things, whether it be mentally, physically, whatever. Happy 2010 everyone, here’s looking forward to another year.